Postpartum…

I thought about this the other day.  If I was trying to explain to someone what competing in CrossFit is like compared to other sports.  It was something I had to figure out for myself early on with coming from Motocross, where I used to race continually almost every weekend.

 I think the sport I relate being a full time CrossFit Competitor to the most was Professional Golf.  What?!  Just in terms of competition style with local/regional events here and there, but then you have your Majors as your big key competitions.  Especially when you have to qualify just to compete in those competitions (or Majors).

 So just Finishing up Wodapalooza a week and a half ago I just finished my sixth major.  However, what I want to share with you isn’t really about the competition itself, but more so after I competed.

 I have noticed the last couple years after one of these majors I get somewhat sad or depressed for a bit.  And it usually takes me a week or so to get my head back on straight to start to focus forward.  So, this time when it happened again after Wodapalooza I really took some time to think about why it happened instead of just experiencing it and just getting through it.

 At first, I thought perhaps it was just an emotional reaction to a physical result.  After three days of 2-3 Adrenaline spikes a day, high physical excretion, and incredible emotion sways perhaps its just a result of my body completely being run down.  That didn’t feel like it was it though.  Sure, it might feed into it, but it’s the not direct cause.

 And then I started thinking about past competitions and results.  My goal in CrossFit has always been to remain consistent and “in the mix”, to always be there (qualify) and be a contender.  Check! I would say I’ve accomplished this with tremendous success as I’ve qualified for 6 out of 6 and podium-ed 5 of 6.

 So, I should be pumped reflecting on my success, right?!  it’s not like I had a bad result and that’s what’s getting me down?!  Then it hit me.  That thought is what triggered what I was experiencing.  What gets me down is a fear that my success has peaked.  The idea that that was the best to come and now its over.  Every time I realize the sport is growing, which I love, and it makes me question my place in it.  There are more competitors, younger competitors. And more talented showing up each Major.  I know that as I come close to 40 years of age with 20 years of high-level competition on my body I have less ahead of me than behind me. 

 I was glad I took the time to identify these feelings though.  I think acknowledging what was really going on and what I was feeling makes it quicker and easier to live through so that I can move on to the next…

 I don’t think my time is over yet and it just reminds me I can’t wait any days, because they are short lived.  I need to enjoy the process and continue to push myself to progress so I can hang on as long as possible (who knows, maybe I’ll finally get that win?) and then when its truly done I can look back with no regret or angst about “should have” or “given more”.

 I think we often feel things and go through them without really trying to identify why.  I think we go through the motions and never really gain perspective, which is a missed opportunity to shape and grow.  Don’t be afraid of your feelings or emotions, take time to have a therapy session with yourself and continue to pursue why it is you do what you do.  This helps us build self control and a resolve to handle our future with a greater awareness.